Saturday, January 16, 2010

Fed Up of Being Fed Up

En plena mid-life crisis. I sit and see my life ahead.
See all the things I won't do, all the things I wont' get and all the goals I won't achieve.

This point of my life is like a crossroads where my dreams and realities crash against each other and I don't know what will stay and what will go. I feel the sadness of my sweetest fantasies fading away confronted to my real circumstances.

It is now when you discover that money is a bitch and bitches are not faithful to anyone.
It is that moment when you regret not being more risky, adeventurous and wiser.
It is now when I feel the shame of believing I am a good person who always believed good guys are rewarded.

Looking back into my past I have not many regrets, but looking up into the future it feels like a boring, standard, empty and limited 20 or 30  years, filled with economic debt, boring chores, empty rituals and a feeling of emergency and scarcity  that seems will never end.

Responsibilities and obligations  have become the reason to wake up in the morning and hope, surprise and excitement seem to be trapped somewhere in a box at somebody else's attic.

Time seems to run too fast to make my dreams come true, magic formulas don't exist anymore  and daily life seems to absorb all my energy, creativity and strength.

Where would I end?
That is the first question everyday in the morning

How can I make it happen?

Why am I too slow, too scared and too obedient now?

Are you over 40 too?  Are you fed up too?

No comments: